Tuesday, January 6, 2009

back to school

So my long winter break is over, and it's freak out time again. Here is my dysfunctional way of handling design school:

1. start off nervous and doubtful, decide by end of 1st day that there is no way I will succeed in this quarter's classes.

2. try anyway. get 1st good grade, think maybe there is some hope.

3. ADD problem flares up. realize I spent the last 15 minutes wondering if classmates are noticing zit on my chin rather than listening to the professor.

4. start dreading midterms.

5. get A's on midterms. feel stupid for worrying so much.

6. professors announce that finals will consist of a group project. have horrid flashback to middle school gym classes, when I was always picked last. professors pick groups, breathe small sigh of relief before worrying that I will let group down and they will all notice zit on my chin.

7. stress builds steadily throughout final half of quarter. cry to husband that I am a failure in the wrong major. husband rolls eyes because he's heard it a hundred times before. actually lose chunks of hair over my struggles to learn scary programs such as Dreamweaver and Flash. worry that group project members will notice bald spots.

8. give class presentation for group project final. decide I'm doing pretty well until I notice that my hands are shaking. get nervous over shaking hands, which of course makes them shake more. 

9. groups seem to like me, professors praise my designs. receive A's on finals, make Dean's list. feel proud of myself for about 24 hours, then decide that the grades aren't good enough. haven't done near enough outside work. haven't networked. am a total fraud who should just go back to waitressing, but wait, have been out of the work force for a while so probably can't even do that now. plus I'm too old. apologize to husband for being such an untalented burden who probably can't even wait tables. husband rolls eyes and sighs.

10. repeat, etc. ad nausea um. 

sigh. so neurotic. well, it's a new year right?

 anyway, I spent the morning playing around with the weirdly soothing Polyvore. If money were no object, this is what I would wear to class this afternoon ( although I would probably spend 15 minutes wondering if anyone was noticing my cool Mike & Chris boots :)

back to school by bellwether_days


lea said...

i can only say been there done that! everything you wrote i went: check, check, yep, check....being neurotic is such a pain sometimes : ) but hey at least we can laugh about it. great post!

design for mankind. said...

ooh, cute outfit!

Stephanie said...

They would definitely notice the boots.

Laura said...

Ha. What's funny is it seems that just by writing out my fears helped dilute them. I went to my classes feeling somewhat calm and confident, and wound up being more excited and interested in what will be covered, rather than filled with dread. Hmm...

Munted kowhai said...

Laura, you sound like my sister! She totally stresses out about grades and then she passes with flying colours! She does put in a lot of work, like you and I think she strives alot on stress. A little stress is good but don't stress too much!
I love the woolen sweater by the way